Tough Times

Hello there...I know I haven't dedicated the time I wanted to this blog and plan to change that. Times have been rather rough as of late. My business died before it was every really born :( My unemployment ran out last week, and while I need to find a job asap, I'm holding off on submitting resumes as I'm have been employed by my dad to help him get my grandmother in a nursing home and then her over hoarded house emptied. We're waiting for a bed right now, which is a moral issue with me as how exactly does one pray for a spot knowing that the usual course of obtaining one is someone dying. Meanwhile though the longer it takes the more scared grandma is getting and the more time she has to change her mind which is a daily occurance now. Its one of my jobs to keep her mind on all the positives the  home will offer her. In this process, I haven't been home much we're in Connecticut one week then home in NY for a few days then back to CT, I miss my boys, my pooch, and my bed terribly while away. My eating is disaterous it takes an incredible amount of willpower to eat healthy there. Food ...bad food is everywhere and my uncle who lives there likes junk and lots of it and uses us being there as an excuse to eat even more so every meal unless I can jump on the cooking process is fat laden and junky. I gave up lastweek all my new year new me intentions by day 3 of being there. The next trip I wont however. Enough of this nonsense. I deserve to be healthy and to get there have to stop making excuses along the way and just stay on the wagon once and for all.

Moving Forward

Hello all,  I haven't been as "behaved" as I wanted be I was sabotaged by my 16 year old. He bought and teased me with one of my favorite junky treats. Those puffy coconut and marshmallow covered cream filled choc cakey things. I haven't had a real one in over 14 years as our location didn't sell Hostess products, our local quick mart now carries them, and our house has had all these tempting little cakes and treats in it ever sense, thanks to the boys and their enabling grandmother. At first I said no...stuck to my guns and refused their pink goodness, ate my planned snack of sugar free fat free chocolate pudding and a banana, while it was enjoyable it didn't quite satisfy, by this point I was alone and started the graze...maybe a rice cake would help...no, ok how about a reduced fat cheese stick ...no, a bowl of cereal ...no I finally shut myself off and went to bed...calling it a binge ...on healthy stuff no less.  Then the same thing happened on Friday night, another healthy binge.  So Saturday I decided if I was in control all day then I would reward myself with one snowball...and i must also enjoy it, track it, and be in control ...in other words no eating it fast and then lose all control and scarf the other down too. I'm proud to report, i stayed true. I cut the first out of the package in half and gave it to teenage eating machines. I then poured myself a glass of milk, put the fluffy pink ball of calories on a pretty china dessert plate and made it an experience. I sat down and nibbled away...for 38 minutes. I totally enjoyed it, and its out of my system along with the binging....I have been in control for count them...3 DAYS !!  I know its only 3 little days but in my world its a big number, as its been so long since I've made for more than one. I spent the day crafting away yesterday I made a beautiful Bride to be snowgal and the makings (hats, scarves and accessories) for 3 more which I will be making today...I plan to have them all uploaded on Kraftygirl Kreations by the end of today for sale. Oh the Teriyake Turkey Meatballs were super yummy ...will post the recipe in a bit. Well its off to get a healthy breakfast and then get in the craft room and "kraft" away the day. Talk soon :)

An eye opening experience

Well it happened, my secret fear of all fears. One of my favorite summer past times is to spend the day at a theme park and take part in all the thrills and chills the rides have to offer. Being that I've almost always been heavy, I've always stood in line slightly nervous that the belt wont fit and I'd have to take that walk of shame, but I was always fortunate and the belt would always click closed until last week while on vacation in New England and we went to six flags and I had to take that walk of shame on our final ride of the day (even though this ride was our first of the day too, and the seat belt buckled then) It was the most humiliating event of my 40 years. I wanted to die/cry/and every other emotion It was absolutely horrible. I have been eating much better since then as you can imagine. I ordered a portion controlled plate and glass for diabetes eating. It should be here soon, that should help not only with portion control but to keep my head (and fork)  on task at meal times. I've been busy working on creating a peaceful crafting area for me to Kraft away the day working on my Kreations. I have some more fall crochet to work on this week and then its time to start making trick or treating ghosts. I'm creating a new recipe tonight for Teriyaki Turkey meatballs, thinking my non fried brown rice and some stirfryed bokchoy and mushrooms would be a good side. I'll post the recipe tomorrow if its family approved tonight. Later alligators...off to be Krafty :)

Horrific perspective

Well I started and restarted again after the last post. I was lying in bed this morning thinking and realized something that put a new spin on things. There is this commercial on TV and the radio now to promote the unhealthiness of smoking ...you may have seen it, it portrays a man with emphysema coughing and wheezing his head off, as an asthmatic who has had pneumonia more times than I've cared to have that commercial makes my skin crawl as I know how horrible it is to not be able to take a breath. Those commercials always reminds me of my grandmother who also had emphysema and used to get caught in the bathroom smoking ...she'd literally take her oxygen off and go have a cig and then go put it back on like nothing  happened. Well guess what I'm basically doing the same thing...I'm a diabetic and those sugary treats I keep eating might as well be cigarettes. I stupidly had regular sweetened cola last night with the already unhealthy pizza dinner we had and knew my sugar was high an hour later when the headache and dizziness set in...do you know what I foolishly did ....it wasn't go exercise like I should have no I chilled for awhile and then ate some birthday cake ....CAKE  why not add more sugar geeeze! my glucometer choked out the number of 192 last night, I'm getting dangerously close to the dreaded 200 readings that once reached my doctor said I'd need to start medicating.  ENOUGH!!!!!!  I can't do this anymore. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life and hardly ever drink, so why then am I continuing to kill myself with food?  No more, I woke up and had the tough conversation with myself.  It went as follows...

Hey dummy what are you doing to yourself (I bent my head in shame ..."eating" food is my husband in a sense)

Did you eat sugar again last night...I can tell you did from the aching head I have this morning. (yeah I did :(  cant tell you why though)

Do you want to go blind?  lose a limb? have a heart attack?  die????   (no to all)

Will losing weight help stop these risks and help you to feel better from your fibromyalgia pain and more?  (of course)

Then when are you going to stop messing around with your health for a few minutes of satisfaction and get busy eating healthy and exercising?   (now!!!)


so here I am, starting the first page of my new life!!!

A new beginning for the last time

Here I am again awake and determined to find the motivation I need to do this. I’ve been here many times and never seem to succeed at it. Sometimes I manage to make it a few weeks even a few months, and actually lose some weight, one time I even made it thru and reached my goal weight by losing 80 pounds! Its been a long time and a lot of pounds gained since that victory. I need to do this now not for the usual vanity goal of fitting in a swim suit, skinny jeans, crop tops and looking gorgeous etc, although those dreams will be a nice bonus. This time I have a myriad of health reasons to do this for. Last night I went to bed with chest pains again, I’m pretty sure they were anxiety related, but a wake up call none the less that I have to stop playing with my health. I was diagnosed with diabetes and still after months now haven’t lost the weight I promised my doctor I would. I have tried so many diets and so many attempts I feel as though I’m a professional dieter only I have sadly never seen a dime in income from it. Are you like me, can you relate to my usual week….Sunday the last supper as I will start again on Monday for the last time. I wake on Monday ready to go all fired up, new journal, new plan, etc. Most of the time I make thru Monday and Tuesday with a smiley face sticker in my diet journal yay I did it. But, Wednesday I wake up hungry and with a little less pep. Somehow that guinea pig pellet healthy cereal doesn’t taste near as good as yesterday morning, and by lunch time I’m dreading the fact that I have yet another boring salad waiting for me. Have I mentioned that I really don’t care for lettuce. Its ok when its swimming in creamy dressing but can’t do that today …too many calories, so instead it’s either yucky sticky pretend to be creamy dressing or a tiny bit of the real stuff …this tablespoon serving is seriously supposed to cover a whole salad really…it seems enough to cover but two lettuce bits. I make it thru, until dinner prep then i start tasting and nibbling and before I know it that stupid smiley face sticker the one that I would have gotten tonight well its laughing at me calling me a fatty and telling me I might as well as give up now and sadly i do …the measuring cups and spoons don’t go to the table tonight, I eat a lot of dinner and then sadly the oh well blown it tonight might as well have another last supper attitude slips in for the evening vowing that tomorrow will be a fresh new start. But tomorrow doesn’t come until Monday, week after week it remains the same pattern. I’m getting tired of that pattern so its time to really make the change. I know this can be done. Along my way I’ll post my successes, healthy recipes I find and showcase some of my krafty kreations and hopefully not too many failures, and occasionally vent about those teenagers that live with me and any other tasty tidbits and challenges along the way.