Horrific perspective

Well I started and restarted again after the last post. I was lying in bed this morning thinking and realized something that put a new spin on things. There is this commercial on TV and the radio now to promote the unhealthiness of smoking ...you may have seen it, it portrays a man with emphysema coughing and wheezing his head off, as an asthmatic who has had pneumonia more times than I've cared to have that commercial makes my skin crawl as I know how horrible it is to not be able to take a breath. Those commercials always reminds me of my grandmother who also had emphysema and used to get caught in the bathroom smoking ...she'd literally take her oxygen off and go have a cig and then go put it back on like nothing  happened. Well guess what I'm basically doing the same thing...I'm a diabetic and those sugary treats I keep eating might as well be cigarettes. I stupidly had regular sweetened cola last night with the already unhealthy pizza dinner we had and knew my sugar was high an hour later when the headache and dizziness set in...do you know what I foolishly did ....it wasn't go exercise like I should have no I chilled for awhile and then ate some birthday cake ....CAKE  why not add more sugar geeeze! my glucometer choked out the number of 192 last night, I'm getting dangerously close to the dreaded 200 readings that once reached my doctor said I'd need to start medicating.  ENOUGH!!!!!!  I can't do this anymore. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life and hardly ever drink, so why then am I continuing to kill myself with food?  No more, I woke up and had the tough conversation with myself.  It went as follows...

Hey dummy what are you doing to yourself (I bent my head in shame ..."eating" food is my husband in a sense)

Did you eat sugar again last night...I can tell you did from the aching head I have this morning. (yeah I did :(  cant tell you why though)

Do you want to go blind?  lose a limb? have a heart attack?  die????   (no to all)

Will losing weight help stop these risks and help you to feel better from your fibromyalgia pain and more?  (of course)

Then when are you going to stop messing around with your health for a few minutes of satisfaction and get busy eating healthy and exercising?   (now!!!)


so here I am, starting the first page of my new life!!!