A new beginning for the last time

Here I am again awake and determined to find the motivation I need to do this. I’ve been here many times and never seem to succeed at it. Sometimes I manage to make it a few weeks even a few months, and actually lose some weight, one time I even made it thru and reached my goal weight by losing 80 pounds! Its been a long time and a lot of pounds gained since that victory. I need to do this now not for the usual vanity goal of fitting in a swim suit, skinny jeans, crop tops and looking gorgeous etc, although those dreams will be a nice bonus. This time I have a myriad of health reasons to do this for. Last night I went to bed with chest pains again, I’m pretty sure they were anxiety related, but a wake up call none the less that I have to stop playing with my health. I was diagnosed with diabetes and still after months now haven’t lost the weight I promised my doctor I would. I have tried so many diets and so many attempts I feel as though I’m a professional dieter only I have sadly never seen a dime in income from it. Are you like me, can you relate to my usual week….Sunday the last supper as I will start again on Monday for the last time. I wake on Monday ready to go all fired up, new journal, new plan, etc. Most of the time I make thru Monday and Tuesday with a smiley face sticker in my diet journal yay I did it. But, Wednesday I wake up hungry and with a little less pep. Somehow that guinea pig pellet healthy cereal doesn’t taste near as good as yesterday morning, and by lunch time I’m dreading the fact that I have yet another boring salad waiting for me. Have I mentioned that I really don’t care for lettuce. Its ok when its swimming in creamy dressing but can’t do that today …too many calories, so instead it’s either yucky sticky pretend to be creamy dressing or a tiny bit of the real stuff …this tablespoon serving is seriously supposed to cover a whole salad really…it seems enough to cover but two lettuce bits. I make it thru, until dinner prep then i start tasting and nibbling and before I know it that stupid smiley face sticker the one that I would have gotten tonight well its laughing at me calling me a fatty and telling me I might as well as give up now and sadly i do …the measuring cups and spoons don’t go to the table tonight, I eat a lot of dinner and then sadly the oh well blown it tonight might as well have another last supper attitude slips in for the evening vowing that tomorrow will be a fresh new start. But tomorrow doesn’t come until Monday, week after week it remains the same pattern. I’m getting tired of that pattern so its time to really make the change. I know this can be done. Along my way I’ll post my successes, healthy recipes I find and showcase some of my krafty kreations and hopefully not too many failures, and occasionally vent about those teenagers that live with me and any other tasty tidbits and challenges along the way.